The life partner (Part I)
Today I begin a long teaching on marriage which is sometimes a taboo subject in the church. Everything we often hear in church is that women should be submissive and that men should love their wives. But I think the teaching is not enough as divorce statistics in the world today are very terrifying.
Let me give you some examples of statistics collected in January 2014:
Belgium was at the head of ten nations most divorced in the world where 71% of couples are divorced. That means that in ten couples in Belgium, seven are divorced. France occupies the ninth place with 55% and the USA occupies the tenth place with 53%.
You can tell me that they are unbelievers, but the bad news is that statistics show that 50% of Christian couples are also divorced. That means that in ten Christian couples, five are divorced.
In Africa many couples are officially together while they are informally divorced. African culture forces women not to leave the household but if they are still at home, it does not mean that marriage still holds.
If marriage is so sacred, why such failures?
If you drive a car and along the way, the car stops and refuse to start, you cannot get mad at the car but you have to open the engine to locate the failure in order to repair it. If you are not good in mechanics, you will seek a mechanic who has the knowledge to repair cars. If the mechanic cannot fix it, the last solution is to seek help from the manufacturer of the car.
To find the best solution of marriage, we will find out what the founder of marriage (God) says about it. We will go through the bible from Genesis to Revelation because the solution is not in science but in the word of God.
The devil knows that by destroying households, he destroys nations to block God's plan. I will talk about mate choice for singles, commitment, divorce, the impact of marriage in our prayers and what God expects of married couples.
Fasten your seat belts because we will fly in the second part of the teaching
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 2)
The best way to understand marriage is to go back to the beginning when God created the first marriage. In the book of Genesis, we see that God created the first man (Adam) and He created all animals. But after having created everything, God realized that something was missing. He realized that all his creation was good but the man should not be alone. He said: " The Lord God said: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2: 18).
The verse we just read clearly shows that it was not Adam who decided to look for Eve but God himself concluded that it was not good for Adam to be left alone and that he needed a helper suitable for him. It was easy for Adam because he could only see Eve. Today it is a bit difficult for singles because there are billions of boys and girls on the planet, but later I will talk about the choice of the life partner.
If you read the first part of this teaching, you have certainly noticed that marriage was a failure in the world where in some countries more than half of the couples are divorced. We can ask ourselves the question: Why are there so many divorces although it is a divine institution? Marriage is not an idea of a man but God’s. This is why you will find it in all the people in the entire world.
To answer the question of why there are so many divorces in the world, we must first understand the important of household in the eyes of God. When God says it is not good that the man should be alone, it means that He loves family life. God loves the family relationship because it reflects His glory. This is why the Church is biblically considered as the bride of Christ (Ephesians 5: 23-24).
The relationship between husband and wife reflects the love between Christ and the Church. The devil knows that by destroying couples, he destroys the glory of God. If households are destroyed, children (fruits of the household) are confused and suffer from the separation that was never the will of God because He clearly says: " For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce... "(Malachi 2: 16).
In the third part, I will talk about the choice of a partner and then we will talk about the main causes of divorce because the devil uses it as his battle field by taking advantage of the ignorance of the people of God. This teaching deals with the married, divorced, widowed and single who think getting married one day.
To be continued in Part 3
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 3)
Before talking about engagement to marriage, I think it is extremely important to talk about the origin of marriage.
To better understand the attraction between man and woman, let’s go back to creation: The Lord caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s rib and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man” (Genesis 2: 21-23).
The man was pulled from dust, but the woman was taken from man. It is as if God had surgery, opening the flesh of man to take one of his ribs and closed the flesh before transforming the rib into a woman while the man was in a deep sleep. It was not until verse 23 that the man woke up finding a woman-made for him.
In verse 24 he concludes by saying that this is why a man leaves his father and mother, and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Why do we say that they will become one flesh? Because they were one flesh before surgery of God and the divine principle will be that the man who lacks his rib will want to get it, that is why a man will leave his parents and go to look for his rib (his wife). According to the principle of God, it is not the woman (the rib) who seeks man but the man who seeks his wife (his rib) and once the rib is found, they will not become two flesh but one flesh.
According to the plan of God, a man must be married to a woman and not a man. Gay marriage may be legal in the country but it is biblically illegal because man did not come from the rib, but he was pulled from dust. But a man is supposed to unite to his rib (his wife). If the man marries a man, they will never produce children. Later God spoke harshly of the union of man with a man in the law of Moses, saying: "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, they have both an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them "(Leviticus 20: 13)
The fact that the government or the state legalizes marriage between two persons of the same sex does not mean that the marriage is approved by God. It may be legal according to the law in the country but it is an abomination according to heavenly law.
So back to the engagement. First of all, I want people to understand that marriage is like an omelet made with two eggs (a man and a woman). The man and woman each have a history, culture, education and above all a soul different from his partner. The soul is made up of three things: emotions, will and intellect.
The fact that men and women have two different souls often becomes the source of conflict and the devil uses their differences to destroy their household ....
I will clearly talk about it in Part 4
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 4)
According to 1 Thessalonians 5: 23, a man or woman is made of three parts: body, soul and spirit. With our physical eyes, we can only see the body but we cannot see the soul and spirit. The soul contains emotions, will and intellect and we take all the decisions from the emotions and the will.
Whenever a man sees a woman or a woman sees a man, his eyes give information to the soul and he reacts by means of emotions. The danger is that men and women are often attracted to what they see with their eyes as the eyes cannot penetrate the soul to see what happens inside. This is why boys or girls can easily fall in love based on the physical body and rush to get married in the name of love.
After the wedding, you begin to discover the manifestation of the soul i.e his real character, his flaws which are sometimes unbearable and gradually the feelings of love begin to decrease until the eyes open and the relationship begins to be bitter without forgetting that even the body that would attract you starts to change as we age with time and we change whether we like it or not.
Never make a decision to marry based on the physical body. If your commitment is based on the physical body (legs, shape…), it means that the future of your love is based on physical beauty and the day your partner will lose her/his beauty (age, size change, accident ...) the foundation of your love will succumb.
If you commit yourself in a marriage because a man or woman has money, you build the future of your love on an unstable foundation for the day when you will be broke, marriage will have no foundation and therefore it cannot withstand a storm.
It is extremely important to know that during the engagement period it is difficult to know the girl or boy you want to marry because it is the hunting period where everyone wants to please the other for the win.
The reality is that you have two different souls, which means that you have two different ways of looking at things, you have two different stories, you do not have the same ability to understand things of life but during the period of almost all the engagements of the world, things seem to be easy, life is more than beautiful, it’s easy to forgive, tolerance is not a problem and it's as if they were in heaven.
If you read the first part of the teaching, you have seen the numbers of divorces in the world. Where is the problem? One of the major causes that destroy households is the wrong choice of the partner.
I'll talk about it in the fifth part based on a biblical example.
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 5)
At the end of the fourth part, I said that one of the major causes that destroy households is the wrong choice of the partner.
I heard the teachings that say that concerning the choice of the partner, it totally depends on us because God has given us the freedom to choose. The same teachings want us to believe that we should not include God in the decision to choose our partner. The paradox is that the same preachers say that God has already planned good projects for us (Jeremiah 29: 11) and that we should consult him before taking any decision. It is as if we should include God in all our projects except wedding!
By the way I must point out that marriage is the project that should attract our attention because it is the only project where there is no room for error. If you engage in business with someone and you find out that your partner is no longer reliable or simply you have no desire to continue the business, you are free to walk out and start over. But according to Jesus, it is not that easy in marriage because once committed, we are linked to life except some few exceptions but I will speak about it later in the subject of divorce. Therefore, marriage is sacred and if you read this teaching being single, I advise you to go through. This teaching concerns everyone, divorced and even married who are disappointed in their marriages.
In this teaching, I'll biblically prove that God wants to be involved in the choice of the partner for marriage. If we are children of God and we totally depend on Him, we are supposed to involve him in everything we do. The bible says that God's children are led by the Holy Spirit (Romans 8: 14) and He speaks in many
In Jewish culture (even in Burundian culture), it was the father of the boy who chose his wife. The boy's father inquired to know the family of the girl and especially the behavior and education of the girl. All this in the interest of the household to avoid surprises after the wedding. The boy's father chose for his son because he was more mature and knew better what was needed for his son. If we are children of God, He wants to choose for us because He knows better what it takes for us.
I will mainly refer to the example of the marriage of Isaac (Abraham's son) and Rebecca. The story is found in Genesis 24. The story of Isaac and Rebecca inspired me for my wedding.
In the sixth part, we will see that it is God who has chosen Rebecca accurately.
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 6)
I will show you, based on a biblical example that if we are children of God, He wants to be fully involved in our life and we should consult Him in all decisions including marriage. I will talk about the marriage of Isaac and Rebecca and in the seventh part we will see that it is God Himself who chose Rebecca.
Let us read in Genesis 24: 1-4 “Abraham was now very old, and the Lord had blessed him in every way. He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac”
Abraham is known as the father of the faith and all who believe in God should take him as an example with regard to faith. Isaac his son was at the age to marry and Abraham wanted to find a wife for his him. Abraham lived in Canaan but in sending his servant to find a woman for his son, he was clear in telling him not to take for his son a wife from the daughters of the Canaanites but to go in his country and in his homeland.
Why such precision? Because the Canaanite girls had a different culture and especially because they worshiped idols and not the God of Abraham. If Isaac had married a Canaanite, his faith would be in danger because he would be influenced by his wife and their children would be confused. Therefore the children of God who are saved must marry men or girls who have the same faith. Even if you are both born again, it is very important to attend the same congregation having the same doctrine.
If you are a girl filled with the Holy Spirit and you marry a man who prays kneeling before a statue, it will be difficult for you to grow spiritually because you will spend years trying to convince him to worship God in Spirit and in truth, and your children will be confused. You believe that Jesus is the only mediator between God and men (1 Timothy 2: 5), but the man you want to marry believes that the saints or other ways can help us in our prayers; Even if he loves you, it will not change his spiritual convictions because faith does not act in his soul, but in his spirit.
The affection he has for you comes from the soul but his faith is in his spirit. Here I am particularly speaking to the Christian girls who are saved by warning them that love feelings can easily push them to make the wrong decision. That is why, before letting you take through feelings, rather take the time to pray to find out if it is the man that God has sent you because once in love, it is extremely difficult to walk back even if we find out that we were wrong.
In the seventh part I will show you that it is God Himself who chose Rebecca.
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 7)
I finished the sixth teaching by particularly talking to Christian saved girls. I said that love feelings can cause you to take the wrong decision and therefore, you must pray to know the will of God before you get carried away by feelings. Marriage should not be based on emotions or feelings of love but the real foundation must be the Word of God. If you are born again and engaged while God still did not say anything about your relationship, I advise you to pause and seek the mind of God before it is too late. When God will confirm to you, you will be able to start over and continue the relationship that will lead to marriage but IF God said nothing, wait in prayer! If God shows you that he/she is not the person in accordance with His plan, it's time to BREAK UP for your good.
Back to the marriage of Isaac and Rebecca; we saw that Abraham sent his servant to find a woman to his son in his country, his homeland. To better understand the story, you need to read the whole chapter 24 of Genesis. Abraham's servant was skeptical because he did not understand how a girl who did not know him could follow him but read Abraham's response: " The Lord, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father’s household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, ‘To your offspring I will give this land’—he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there "(Genesis 24: 7)
You notice that Abraham relied heavily on the promise of God and he ends by saying that it is God Himself who will send his angel before his servant to get a wife for his son. Here I will encourage unmarried born again who want to marry to pray by fully trusting the Lord because through their prayers God sends an angel to guide them to the person according to the divine plan. Prayer breaks Satan's plan and allows the fulfillment of God's plan but during the prayer the heart must be bent to the will of God and not to personal preferences.
Many young people often ask me whether we should not love before marrying someone? My answer is always the same: If God wants you marry someone, He Himself will give you the love you need, but sometimes it is necessary to be obedient. I have a friend who had no feelings for the man who wanted to marry her but after a period of prayer, God confirmed and great love naturally filled her heart. Today they are married and have a child. Do not follow your feelings but follow the voice of God. We will see that Rebecca loved Isaac although she had never seen him before.
In Part 8, we will see how God confirmed that Rebecca was the chosen one.
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 8)
In the seventh part, we saw that Abraham was clear to convince his servant who was skeptical. He said that it is God Himself who will send his angel to his servant to take a wife for his son (Genesis 24: 7).
Throughout the chapter, you will not see a verse which describes how the angel guided Abraham's servant, but he was present in the invisible world. When you walk through the will of God, the angel of God is with you even if you do not see him. Grace and divine protection are over you as long as you put your faith and your hope in the Lord, and He does it through invisible angels in the spiritual world.
Let us look closely to see how God guided Abraham's servant. He did not go by try and error but he understood that if the angel is invisible, it means that the work is done in the spiritual world. He then decided to pray and we see his prayer in Genesis 24: 12-14:“Then he prayed, “Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water.
May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master "
He did not want to be wrong and he asked for a sign. If you read verse 15 to 20, you will see that just after the prayer, Rebecca appeared but there were other girls. Abraham's servant asked her for a drink to test her and she gave him more than a drink, she also offered to give a drink to the camels exactly as he had asked in prayer. In verse 26, he concluded that God confirmed in showing him that he chose Rebekah as the future wife of Isaac. So he bowed down and worshiped the Lord.
Although everything was clear that God had chosen Rebekah as the future wife of Isaac, her family had to accept and Rebekah had to accept too. God can say Yes but the girl has to say Yes too. Even though the girl says Yes, according to the bible, her family must say Yes too. We will see that even the dowry is biblical. The mistake that some young Christians make is to believe that if God says Yes it is the end of the story but I know cases when God said Yes but the family said No. What to do in that case?
We must first understand that God respects your family which is the authority that he himself instituted. According to the bible, the father of the girl has authority over her and he can refuse you if he wants (1 Corinthians 7:37-38). So if the father of the girl does not want you, I advise you to step back and wait in prayer until God influences his heart. NEVER marry a girl against the consent of her family. If God has promised you, He is so powerful to convince and break any opposition against His will and the work is done in the spiritual world by means of your prayers.
In the ninth teaching, you will see that even though God said yes, it was also necessary that the family of Rebekah says yes and even Rebekah had to agree.
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 9)
If you have followed this teaching from the beginning, you understood that I try to show how marriage is designed according to the bible. I know that each of you has his own way to see things, but I think the best way to understand marriage is to return to the source.
God instituted marriage; I think we should see what the bible says about marriage. Some have responded by saying that God cannot choose a woman for a man, but the story of Isaac and Rebecca has clearly shown us that it is the Lord who has chosen Rebekah. If He did it for Isaac, He can do it for you if you trust Him in prayer because in the 8th part we saw that Abraham's servant prayed first and Rebekah appeared right after the prayer. If you have not found yet your Rebekah or your Isaac, it is prayer that will open the door.
In the 8th part, I finished by showing the importance of the family in marriage. God respects the family and works through the family because it is an institution that He himself has established. The girl's father's opinion should be considered even if he is not a believer. If he refuses to give you his daughter, do not fight but wait in prayer because IF it's the girl that God wants you to marry, her father will bow because nothing can withstand the power of prayer. It can hang, but it will eventually trigger. If you are a girl and your parents do not want your fiancé when you know it comes from God, do not be rebellious but enter in prayer and ask for His will to be done (1 John 5: 14-15) .
Back to the story. Although Abraham's servant had concluded that it is the girl that God had chosen for his master, he was well aware that God respects the family and therefore he had to go and ask permission of the family. In Genesis 24: 35-48, we read his speech to Rebekah's family where he tells all the facts. This is exactly what we do during the dowry ceremonies in Africa.
In verse 49, he was clear by saying, “Now if you will show kindness and faithfulness to my master, tell me; and if not, tell me, so I may know which way to turn"(Genesis 24: 49). The message is very clear; all he wants is that the family of Rebecca says that she belongs to Isaac the son of Abraham. Their answer is found in verse 51: "Here is Rebekah; take her and go, and let her become the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has directed"(Genesis 24: 51)
After the agreement of the family, it's time to give the gift (the dowry) and everything you need to celebrate the event because the bible says that the servant brought out fold and silver jewelry and articles of clothing and gave them to Rebekah; he also gave costly gifts to her brother and to her mother. Then he and the men who were with him ate and drank and spent the night there. (Genesis 24: 53-54).
In the tenth part, you will see that even though God had said Yes and that the family had said Yes, Rebekah absolutely had to say Yes and her agreement was important for her family. I will also talk about alliance.
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 10)
As I told you in the beginning, this teaching will be long because the devil has blinded the people of God for a long time. He wants us to walk in the dark and he is happy to see marriages destroyed. He wants to convince young people to always listen to the heart and by “heart” he means love feelings. If you go to Belgium where 71% of couples are divorced, I am convinced that the big majority of these 71% will tell you that they were married by love.
This shows us that marrying by love is not a guarantee of success, but if you get married based on the word of God, not only you are in the perfect will of God, but God will also give you the love that is necessary for your partner. By the way, I would like to point out that I will also talk about married couples without consulting the Lord and I will also talk about divorce.
Back to the story of the marriage of Isaac and Rebecca. In the ninth part, we saw that the family of Rebecca agreed and the servant of Abraham paid the dowry. I ended by saying that even though God had said Yes and that the family had said Yes, Rebekah absolutely had to say Yes too and her agreement was important for her family. It is interesting to see how African culture and biblical culture are very similar because in verse 55 the family of the girl asked the servant of Abraham to wait a few days before taking Rebekah forever.
Although both sides have agreed, the family of the girl demanded that Rebekah agrees. In verse 58, it says: " So they called Rebekah and asked her, “Will you go with this man?” “I will go” she said” (Genesis 24: 58).
Marriage is the image of the conversion when we take the commitment to accept Jesus as our Lord. God conceives that relationship like marriage between the Church and Christ. Despite that Jesus already paid the price by forgiving our sins, he is waiting for our agreement in order to have eternal life.
Abraham's servant finally took Rebecca with him and introduced her to Isaac. In verse 66 it says that Isaac loved and married her.
In conclusion, do not privilege the romantic feelings but seek God's guidance and love will follow.
In the eleventh part, I will start to talk about alliance.
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 11)
There are a lot of interpretations regarding the covenant between a man and a woman in different cultures and religions. To better understand the eleventh part, I ask you to read the third part where I said that according to God's plan, a man must be married to a woman and the two become one flesh.
Here is an excerpt of the third part:
“According to the plan of God, a man must be married to a woman and not a man. Gay marriage may be legal in the country but it is biblically illegal because man did not come from the rib, but he was pulled from dust. But a man is supposed to unite to his rib (his wife). If the man marries a man, they will never produce children. Later God spoke harshly of the union of man with a man in the law of Moses, saying: "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, they have both an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them "(Leviticus 20: 13). The fact that the government or the state legalizes marriage between two persons of the same sex does not mean that the marriage is approved by God. It may be legal according to the law in the country but it is an abomination according to heavenly law"
I realized that many Christians believe that the covenant between a man and a woman starts in the church when they say Yes to each other. The biblical reality may surprise you because there is no scripture that says that a man and a woman are united in church by a pastor or a priest. The bible only says that marriage should be honored by all (Hebrews 13: 4) i.e the family, society, community and even the church. A man is not allowed to take a girl, put her in his house and take her for his wife. There is a protocol required by the family and the community.
If you have been following this teaching from the beginning, you have certainly understood the power of the family of the girl regarding marriage. Why do I insist on the family? Because it is the man who leaves his father and mother and be joined to his wife (Gen 2: 24). It is the man who must leave his family to go to another family in search of a woman but it is necessary that the family of the girl gives her to him. Even if the family of the girl gives him the green light and that there's a party and all cultural and religious ceremonies, one cannot speak of the covenant, although the two have said yes and they both wear wedding rings. So when does the real covenant start? The answer is in the twelfth part.
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 12)
Today I will mostly talk about the covenant. As I said at the end of the eleventh part, although the family of the girl gives the green light to the boy and there is a party and all cultural and religious ceremonies, one cannot speak about covenant, although the two have said yes and both wear wedding rings.
To understand the true definition of the covenant according to God, let us see the conversation between Jesus and the Pharisees in Matthew 19: 3-10.
The Pharisees approached Jesus in order to test him by asking the following question: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”. Jesus' answer was a reminder of what God's Word says. He responded by saying: “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh”?
For that answer, the Pharisees were happy in believing to trap him. They then asked a simple and logical question, saying“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”. They were surprised when Jesus responded by saying, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning”. In other words, divorce is not in the plan of God and man and woman are supposed to live together until death do them part (Romans 7: 2).
To their surprise, Jesus said that however there is one exception: In verse 9 He said, " I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery ". Jesus' message is clear: Apart sexual infidelity and death, nothing should separate a man from his wife. If sexual infidelity can break the marriage, it is clear that the sexual act is not an act of sheer pleasure as many think. When a man lies with a woman, the bible says that the two become one flesh. Becoming one flesh does not require the presence of a pastor, priest or a cultural ceremony.
In writing to the Corinthians Paul says, " Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” (1 Corinthians 6: 16). Who does Paul talks about? It is a man who lies with a prostitute and he confirms that both (the man and the prostitute) become one flesh. If a married woman cheats on her husband with another man, she breaks the first covenant and creates a new one. This is why Jesus said that sexual infidelity can break a covenant. Man and woman do not become one flesh when they say Yes to each other but they become one flesh when they have intercourse. This is why some virgins bleed during the first sexual contact for the blood is the symbol of the covenant. Therefore a virgin girl should jealously guard her virginity because it is of great worth in God’s eyes and for her future.
I'll talk about it in the thirteenth part.
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 13)
As expected, after the publication of the twelfth part, I received questions but I asked that readers should wait until the end of teaching to ask questions because the answer to the various questions is in the parts that follow.
The issue of virginity is one of the issues that have attracted much attention. Someone asked me what to do if a girl has lost her virginity when she was still living in sin? The answer is found in 2 Corinthians 5: 17 "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature. Old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new ". When you sincerely repent, and you accept Jesus as your Savior, God forgives all your sins and everything starts from scratch. It purifies your soul and your mind but sometimes we are forced to live the consequences of our past. For example if you were pregnant during your youth, you need to continue to raise your child even after conversion. If you lost your eye because you were fighting a lot, you stay with one eye even after conversion. If you are a girl and you have already lost your virginity, you can still build a better future by walking with the Lord because success is not built on the state of the body but on the disposition of the heart of a life founded on the Word of God. The apostle Paul persecuted the Church of Jesus Christ before his conversion, but that did not stop the Lord to use him mightily.
If you read this message and you are a virgin girl, I must inform you that you have a great wealth that you should protect jealously. Guard your virginity to the man who will be your husband and do not yield to the lies of the devil. Avoid relationships that only distract you. By "distraction" I mean the boys who are attracted by your body and develop a relationship to satisfy their desires and without knowing, both of you will find yourself in sin. Focus on your calling and on the Word of God.
In the fourteenth part, we will see that in addition to adultery, there is another possibility of separation in a married couple.
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 14)
I received a question from one of my readers and I feel obliged to answer publicly for the benefit of all. Here is his question: "I find that in answering this question on virginity, you've done it correctly but at 50% because you're talking about girls, but what about the boys?”
Answer: Is the bible interested in boys’ virginity? The answer is "Yes." In the book of Revelation, John tells us what God showed him in a vision. He saw God's throne and around him were one hundred forty-four thousand men who were redeemed from the earth. In Revelation 14: 4 it says, "These are they which were not defiled with women, for they are virgins; they follow the Lamb wherever he goes. These were redeemed from among men, being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb ".
If you read this message, and you are a virgin boy, you also have a wealth you should protect jealously. Many men are sexually dissatisfied because their wives do not give them the pleasure they enjoyed with the girls who slept with them before. The first girl you will know will remain in your memory all your life and something spiritual happened between you. By the way I have to say that some men are possessed by demons they had during sexual intercourse with different girls. This is why Paul said that he who binds to a prostitute becomes one body and one flesh with her (1 Corinthians 6: 16). The sexual act must be done in marriage because the girl you are looking for your pleasure probably belongs to someone else. Find out which one is yours and marry her officially before sleeping with her.
Back to the theme of the day. If you have read the teaching from the beginning, you understood the biblical meaning and the importance of the covenant. According to Jesus, a man is not allowed to divorce his wife unless his wife has sexually cheated him (Matthew 19: 9). This does not mean you should necessarily divorce but it would be preferable if there could be some forgiveness and reconciliation.
In writing to the Corinthians, Paul showed that apart infidelity, there is another cause of separation. This is the case of a couple where one partner is a believer and the other does not believe. It may happen that the unbelieving husband is opposed to the faith of his wife and decides to leave her or if the wife who is not a believer decides to leave her believing husband. If the unbelieving partner separates, what would happen to the believing partner? Can we talk of separation in this case? The answer is in the fifteenth teaching.
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 15)
Some readers told me they were married without consulting God and wondered what to do? If you followed the instruction, you understood the true definition of the covenant. Even if you were pagans or ignorant, the fact that you are publicly married and have cohabited together created the covenant between you. I talk about cohabitation because I know people who are legally married in European countries just to have papers or other personal interests, but who have never slept together. The covenant is not justified by a ring on the finger or by an act (document) wedding. If you are married to someone, she is your wife or he is your husband, and the covenant is genuine. If you abandon your spouse to seek for another, you would commit adultery.
Regarding divorce, we already discovered two exceptional cases where the bible can speak of separation: death and infidelity. Today we will discover a third exception. This is the case of a couple where one partner is an unbeliever. It is a hard life to live with someone who has not the same faith as you. In most cases, it is the husband who is an unbeliever, the other way around it is very rare because it is often easy for the believing man to influence his wife but many women are not able to influence their husbands.
Sometimes the unbelieving partner becomes more and more aggressive and sometimes threatens to leave home because of the faith of the believer. If this happens, the bible is very clear: Let’s read in 1 Corinthians 7: 15 " But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace”. This passage is very clear and precise because it insists by saying that “in such circumstances”. If the unbeliever because of your faith abandons you, you are no longer bound. If the bible says that you are no longer bound, it means that there is no covenant. If there is no more covenant, remarriage option is possible. But according to 1 Corinthians 7: 13, if the unbelieving husband is willing to live with her, the woman should not divorce him. They must stay together.
In the sixteenth teaching, I will talk about the biblical attitude of Christian women toward their unbelieving husbands
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 16)
About women who have unbelieving husbands, the bible shows how they can win their husbands without even preaching the gospel. In his letter, Peter says, " Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives"(1 Peter 3: 1-2).
According to the bible, the man wants above all to be respected and the woman wants to be loved. If you do not understand this principle, it is extremely difficult to succeed in marriage. Let's see what Paul wrote to the Ephesians: "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"(Ephesians 5: 22-25)
Men are asked to love their wives and women to be submitted. Why we do not ask a woman to love her husband? There are two answers to this question: First because a woman naturally loves her husband and secondly because the wife’s love is not a priority for the man. A woman can love her husband with all her heart but that love does not matter as long as the husband does not feel respected. The wife’s respect to her husband is interpreted by the man as love.
So, if you are a woman and you want to win the heart of your husband, give him more respect and with time you will get his love and attention. Even the hardest and the most complicated man cannot resist to the respect of his wife because it is a natural need in the heart of the man. If the man does not feel respected, anything can happen because a sense of revolt or frustration is manifested in many ways but often through violence, nervousness and sometimes infidelity or alcoholism. True Christians do not seek refuge in alcoholism or infidelity but violence and aggression in words, depression are the reactions observed.
The verse we just read tells the woman to be submitted in ALL THINGS (Eph 5: 24). The more you are submitted, the greater the love of your husband. Today it is often difficult for women to submit entirely because women sometimes earn more money than their husbands, they have a higher level of education than their husbands, and we even see women who are now President of the entire nation. How does a president woman of a country can entirely submit to her husband? Is she concerned by this verse? What should a man do to win the heart of his wife? The answers will be in the seventeenth party.
Chris Ndikumana
The life partner (Part 17)
Today I finish this teaching and it was long because I think the people of God need clarifications about marriage. I had a lot of encouraging messages, many have told me they are going to use these teachings to prepare the youth but others have written to me to show their anger because of what I wrote. Others told me that I have to respect the people’s cultures, some are opposed to the possibility of divorce for Christians but what I want all my readers to understand is that I do not invent anything. All I say is from the bible and as the title points out, I try to show what the bible says about marriage with biblical verses to support it. I'm not trying to say what I find reasonable or what people want to hear but I say only what is written in the Word and readers will judge.
In the 16th teaching, I was talking about submission of women in their home. I said that today it is sometimes difficult for some women to undergo because they earn more money than their husbands and some women manage to occupy the position of the president of a country. How can a president of a nation submit to her husband? We must first understand that the position of the president does not change the principle of God. If the Word of God says that the husband is the head in a home, the woman must understand that she must submit to receive the blessings that God has prepared for her. You can be the most powerful woman in the world but God has put in you the desire to be loved by your husband and it is only by means of submission that you can get his true love.
The scripture in Ephesians 5: 25 asks married men to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Your wife likes to be respected but what she wants most is not your respect but your love. The problem is that many men demand respect from their wives without giving love in return. If you want her respect, sow love and attention and you will reap respect with time.
Before finishing the teaching, I have to say to married men that if you mistreat your wives or you do not honor them, your prayers may not be answered because your behavior can be an obstacle to your prayers. Peter wrote by saying: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will HINDER your prayers" (1 Peter 3: 7)
May the Holy Spirit helps us to understand what I could not explain and I hope that this teaching will influence many households to conform to God's Word.
Chris Ndikumana
